The Problem With Sex Cruising in Forest Park (Kew Gardens, Queens, NYC)

I live in Kew Gardens, Queens with my lovely wife and our 9-year-old dog. Three years ago, we purchased our gorgeous early-'30s apartment on the sixth (top) floor of a stately four-building complex which is actually inset into the footprint of Forest Park. We are about a ten-minute walk from the major subway arteries into Manhattan at Queens Boulevard, and we're even closer to the Long Island Rail Road—which affords me a 17-minute commute into Penn Station. The neighborhood also has great shopping, dining and is in walking distance to the best art house theater in the five boroughs. Unfortunately, as ideal and bucolic as the neighborhood is, we're not without a growing problem in people soliciting and engaging in sexual activity out in the roads and trails of Forest Park.

As soon as the outside temperature reaches about 50°, there's a proliferation of adult males cruising for sexual partners on the closed (former vehicular-only, now pedestrian-only) stretch of Forest Park Drive which begins at Metropolitan Avenue and ends at Woodhaven Boulevard—and on the myriad hiking/equestrian trails. What's more, the post-coital detrita and debris (including, but not limited to, ejaculate-filled condoms and their wrappers & excrement/lubrication-smeared paper towels) are usually littered about the otherwise pristine natural surroundings—leaving a hazard for adults, children and pets alike—not to mention the questions which must be raised by naturally curious children about encountering these foreign objects.

So, what's the answer? I'll admit that I'm not sure. A band of like-outraged citizens with night vision goggles and 1,000-candlepower spotlights when the activity begins? Posting photos of the perpetrators on the Internet to perhaps embarrass them? Probably not. But, I'm of the opinion that it's up to the combined wisdom of the New York City Department of Parks and Recreation and NYPD to combat the offensive activity. There's a nice recap of the letter of the law here (on a naturist site, nonetheless) http://naturistaction.org/StatesFrames/State_Laws_Frames/New_York_Laws/body_new_york_laws.html

I have to emphatically state that I'm not anti-gay. I am, conversely, anti-sex in public parks—and it just happens to be the the majority of the coital participants in the sex-in-the-park game over by my residence happen to be homosexuals. Do not mistake my outrage at the issue at hand for homophobia.

UPDATE: Local newspaper coverage of the issue:
http://www.queenscourier.com/articles/2009/11/18/news/top_stories/doc4afaf5e72b56d735541480.txt
http://www.queenstribune.com/feature/PleasureInThePark.html

Pharma Experience

In the shameless self-promotion category, I submit the following information—in the event that you're searching for a senior graphic artist who has pharma experience. I'm a stickler for both brand guideline and FDA adherence, I can construct the hell out of PI's ("Patient Information," for the uninitiated [those two pages of technical gobledegook after only one page of a pharmaceutical print ad]) and have worked on the following accounts:

KEPPRA (UCB, for juvenile epilepsy)
PREVACID (TAP, for acid reflux disease)
ARICEPT (Esisai/Phizer, for alzheimer's disease)
ASCENSIA Breeze & Countour (Bayer, for diabetes testing)
BOOST (formerly Mead-Johnson [now Nestlé], for adult nutrition)
ENFAMIL (Mead-Johnson, for pediatric nutrition)
COLACE, PERI-COLACE and SENOKOT (Purdue, for various laxatives, etc.)

Please feel free to review the entirety of my experience at:
http://www.linkedin.com/in/michaelaaronfrandy

or email me at: me (at) michaelaaronfrandy.com

What's a "point?"

The point is the most common unit of measurement in graphic design. One point is equal to one seventy-second of one inch, or approximately 0.0139".

For type, the point size of a character and/or lines of text can be calculated by measuring from the baseline (the line upon which the bottom of the characters rest) to the height of the capital letter(s). That measurement, in inches, is then divided by 0.0139 to get the approximate point size. A graphic designer or typographer can usually round up or down to get the correct, specific point size.

typographically bereft:

i refuse to be directed set type which has no sense in its
relationships. find the harmony between the organic shapes in the words
and characters.

It sucks when you're in a hurry to get to work, but really have to poo.

Where was the Green Lantern of the Krypton sector of planets when it exploded?

I'm still convinced that the Oans dropped the ball on this one...

Where was the Green Lantern of the Krypton sector of planets when it exploded?

—Michael Aaron Frandy

Bob Rozakis (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Rozakis) answers:

As coincidence would have it - assuming you believe that there are coincidences in comic books - the Green Lantern assigned to the space sector in which Krypton was located was Hal Jordan's old pal, orange-skinned, bird-beaked Tomar-Re. As recounted in "The Greatest Green Lantern of All" in SUPERMAN #257, the Guardians were aware of Krypton's peril and had Tomar-Re working behind the scenes to delay the planet's destruction.

Unfortunately, Tomar-Re was blinded on an unrelated mission and was unable to do anything as the planet reached critical mass and exploded. He counted this as his greatest failure until years later, when the Guardians told him of the lone child who had escaped the doomed planet and had grown up to be the greatest hero in the universe.

(from: http://www.comicsbulletin.com/bobro/104371636880146.htm)

I am a colossal pain in the ass.

Not for the sake of being annoying, but for the sake of making sure that any project that crosses my desk is mechanically and editorially sound.

My first boss in advertising, after having taught me mechanical paste-up and Mac-based layout, told me that I'd be most effective in my career if I learned how to do everyone else's job. I took that to heart. Over the last 16 years, I have participated on the account side and written/collaborated on copy. I'm not 100% expert in the other disciplines within an ad agency, but I'm sure-footed enough to know when something needs a course-correction—and I always fight for what's right. The problem is, I take it to extremes. I don't like losing a fight, especially when I feel like I'm having my hand forced by people who don't really know what the hell they're doing.

I grew up watching M*A*S*H, and Hawkeye Pierce is a hero of mine. He's always a smug smartass who people don't always seem to get, but they sure as hell want him in the operating room when they're in the shit. Captain Pierce, I salute you.

Listening to 1988 Superman animated series soundtrack. Mike Post influenced a lot of music, lol. Where is Ron Jones today?

Escalators at Penn Station

I'm consistently baffled by the inability of the riders of the escalators at Penn Station to:

A. STAND on the right. PASS on the left.

B. Wait your melon-farming* turn to get on. Especially on the right-hand side of the right-hand escalator on the 32nd street exit. Some douchebag decided to motor all the way to the front of the line by Staples and cut off about 15 of us who waited in an orderly fashion to board said escalator. He must have been very important. Why, without your crown and cape, your majesty--I just can't recognize you.

*melon-farming replaces the "oedipal expletive," which rhymes with "brother-trucking" in this instance.

The Best Joke Ever

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because he was dead.

Donald Duck

Spent a chunk of time between washing and drying two weeks worth'a laundry watching some Donald Duck cartoons. Donald Duck makes me feel a bit better about myself, as his anger management problems are measurably worse than my own. You know some s--- is about to go down the moment you hear Donald say, "so?!?" It's his battle cry. The "Deus lo volt" of the fowl. Almost as good of a plot device as when Curly hears "Pop Goes the Weasel." Irascible characters make me smile.